featuresNovember 18, 2023
Loneliness was tough, the toughest role you ever played. -- "Candle in the Wind" by Elton John & Bernie Taupin, 1973, a song written in memory of Marilyn Monroe. When you think you may have heard or seen it all, it's instructive occasionally to realize you haven't...
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Loneliness was tough, the toughest role you ever played.

-- "Candle in the Wind" by Elton John & Bernie Taupin, 1973, a song written in memory of Marilyn Monroe.

When you think you may have heard or seen it all, it's instructive occasionally to realize you haven't.

Case in point.

Last week, noted sex therapist Ruth Westheimer was named an honorary "loneliness ambassador" by New York Gov. Kathy Hochul -- a position believed to be the first of its kind in the U.S.

What follows is the part of this column where the writer -- me -- asks the reader respectfully to postpone the urge to perform an eye roll.

On the face of it, yes, the concept sounds ridiculous.

Dig a bit deeper, though, and I'm glad this diminutive nonagenarian, whose name is imprinted in America's cultural consciousness as Dr. Ruth, has taken on this fledgling responsibility with less than fully-articulated duties.

As a now part-time resident of the Empire State, the news of a loneliness ambassador broke there earlier this month and seemed to have been met with a collective shrug by veteran New Yorkers -- some of whom I am just getting to know.

The job clearly is not a long-term appointment for the well-known celebrity.

Dr. Ruth, who moved to the U.S. after fleeing Nazi Germany as a child, earning a doctorate at New York's Columbia University in 1970, is, after all, 95 years young.

Meaning

In my former role as a pastor, I paid attention to word study, looking at words in Hebrew and Greek -- of which I am a poor student -- to unearth deeper understanding of the biblical text.

In the New International Version, "lonely" appears only four times, all with a negative connotation.

We find the adjective twice in the Psalms and twice more in the New Testament gospels. In the latter case, "lonely" is attached to the temporal life of Jesus of Nazareth.

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  • "(Jesus) went out and began to talk freely, spreading the news. As a result, Jesus could no longer enter a town openly but stayed outside in lonely places." (Mark 1:45).
  • "Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed." (Luke 5:16).

A distinction should be drawn between being lonely and being alone.

Research

In a study published in September, researchers at the University of Arizona found that solitary time does not closely correlate with feelings of loneliness until a person spends 75% of their time alone.

Feelings of loneliness, the Arizona study found, are age-dependent.

For adults under 40, for example, there's no association between isolation and loneliness, which researchers largely attribute to the ubiquitous presence of social media among younger people.

Among older adults, the conclusion is somewhat different.

"Older adults view their isolation differently than younger adults," Arizona professor of psychology David A. Sbarra told HuffPost.

"They appraise greater time alone perhaps as signaling the likelihood of even more time alone, which may create a sense of loneliness."

America's surgeon general, Vivek Murthy, somewhat disagrees with Sbarra, referring to loneliness and isolation as "a national epidemic" among all ages, driven in part by long-term aftereffects of COVID-19 lockdowns.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports social isolation is associated with physical and mental health issues such as cardiovascular disease, depression and earlier death.

Coda

Here's hoping Dr. Ruth's name, lent to this effort, will shine a light on loneliness and spur local efforts to bring enduring change.

It's a worthwhile effort and lives into the faith-based values of connection and support.

I wish Dr. Ruth success in this late-in-life endeavor, which might end up being the most meaningful of her long career.

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